Sunday, May 27, 2007
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Fear factor
My worst fear still is having another miscarriage. After learning another dear friend on one of my grief and loss message boards is losing her baby at 12 weeks, I realize lightning can strike twice. (In my case, three times...) The only words I can muster is, "It's not FAIR!"
I used to get so angry at girls/women who found themselves with unwanted pregnancies. There are good women all across the world -- at least three women I hold dear to my heart -- who cannot bear their own children. And they want to. Desperately. When I went through each of my losses, I felt like I saw pregnant ladies everywhere. I got mad. I didn't understand this anger. Why are they round and happy when I've lost three angel babies in nine months? It's just part of this cruel but necessary process of grieving.
Nobody should ever have to lose a baby, but it happens, and that just makes me relish in the fact this pregnancy is relatively easy. I say easy because I'm less worried about the things I cannot control. I can do all I can up to a point, as in eating right, not doing any heavy lifting, driving safe, getting enough rest. But the things that are out of my hands are exactly that. Out. Of. My. Hands.
So this morning, I cozied up with my rented Doppler again, not sure if I should send it back by the first of the month or keep it a little longer. As I pressed the wand a few inches below my belly button, there it was. My little baby's heart beat chugging along, sounding anywhere between a galloping horse, to a light "thump, thump, thump". My sister-in-law described it as sounding like shaking a piece of sheet metal (she's right!). I've described it as a "swoosh/swish" noise. Just as I steadied the wand in place, the heartbeat grew stronger and louder, then it waned. Then I heard a noise -- the baby doing a flip or a turn? -- I guess I won't know. But s/he was moving around in there, dodging the wand then cozying right up next to it, as if to say, "Look, Ma, I can swim and do somersaults and move around all I want to in here."
It made me smile. It also made me be thankful for what I've got here. This miracle of pregnancy never ceases to amaze me.
I used to get so angry at girls/women who found themselves with unwanted pregnancies. There are good women all across the world -- at least three women I hold dear to my heart -- who cannot bear their own children. And they want to. Desperately. When I went through each of my losses, I felt like I saw pregnant ladies everywhere. I got mad. I didn't understand this anger. Why are they round and happy when I've lost three angel babies in nine months? It's just part of this cruel but necessary process of grieving.
Nobody should ever have to lose a baby, but it happens, and that just makes me relish in the fact this pregnancy is relatively easy. I say easy because I'm less worried about the things I cannot control. I can do all I can up to a point, as in eating right, not doing any heavy lifting, driving safe, getting enough rest. But the things that are out of my hands are exactly that. Out. Of. My. Hands.
So this morning, I cozied up with my rented Doppler again, not sure if I should send it back by the first of the month or keep it a little longer. As I pressed the wand a few inches below my belly button, there it was. My little baby's heart beat chugging along, sounding anywhere between a galloping horse, to a light "thump, thump, thump". My sister-in-law described it as sounding like shaking a piece of sheet metal (she's right!). I've described it as a "swoosh/swish" noise. Just as I steadied the wand in place, the heartbeat grew stronger and louder, then it waned. Then I heard a noise -- the baby doing a flip or a turn? -- I guess I won't know. But s/he was moving around in there, dodging the wand then cozying right up next to it, as if to say, "Look, Ma, I can swim and do somersaults and move around all I want to in here."
It made me smile. It also made me be thankful for what I've got here. This miracle of pregnancy never ceases to amaze me.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
The Bunnski
I have to get a picture of this today when I walk by, but yesterday, I saw a little sticker dressing up the blue mail box on the southeast corner of 12th and Bannock.
It's a picture of a rabbit on top of "THE BUNNSKI" lettering. On the upper-right corner is a blank text bubble, like in a comic strip. Does this mean you fill in the blank as to what the bunnski is going to say?!
I Googled it ("the Bunnski", exactly) to see what came up, and there's one photo on Flickr with the Bunnski trio -- three of the same stickers affixed to a window above some very creative lettering. Check it out.
Edit: As you can see, I got those snapshots!
It's a picture of a rabbit on top of "THE BUNNSKI" lettering. On the upper-right corner is a blank text bubble, like in a comic strip. Does this mean you fill in the blank as to what the bunnski is going to say?!
I Googled it ("the Bunnski", exactly) to see what came up, and there's one photo on Flickr with the Bunnski trio -- three of the same stickers affixed to a window above some very creative lettering. Check it out.
Edit: As you can see, I got those snapshots!
Dream weaver
In the past week, I've had the most odd dreams! Here's a sampling, and just in case you wondered, it's one of the symptoms of pregnancy.
1. A home invasion. C. and I were in our townhome, but there were "people" there watching us. They didn't hurt us, just terrified the crap out of me. So we were trying to create a diversion, find a way to get out of the house. Since they had turned out the power, I had this idea that we light some matches up close to the fire alarm and when the sprinklers went on, we'd magically escape through the back door. (We don't even HAVE sprinklers!) So there I was spending book after book of matches under the fire alarm since the ceiling fan kept blowing them out. Plus, the guy who smokes (C.) didn't have a lighter. Go figure. Well, I succeeded finally, and we ran out the back yard, and just then, I cried "HELP!! HELP!!" And that was out loud in real life, so I woke up C. in the process and he calmed me down and I went back to sleep!
Later, when I was explaining this dream to him, he kept finding holes in my story. It totally made sense in my head while it was going on, but who makes sense of dreams, anyway? For one, he said if we're trying not to call attention in the DARK, why would we be starting matches? If the power had been cut, how was the ceiling fan on, etc. Gee, thanks for the comfort. :-P
2. Food dreams. I've had more of these, but this one stands out. There was an old lady with her white hair tucked away in a bun, and she was wearing a frilly apron. She was making buttermilk biscuits, her hands and apron white and powdery with flour, her biscuit cutter moving swiftly across the dough. When the biscuits came out of the oven warm and flaky, then came the country gravy with sausage. It was one of the best food dreams I've had. Homemade country gravy and biscuits. YUM!
3. Cheating dreams. Either me on C. or, more often, him on me. This one was him cheating on me with a real person I know (a distant, distant friend of a friend). I obviously won't say who, but this person is 20 years his senior, has a gruff voice and almost reminds me of another person I've met called Butch. It is hilarious in retrospect. I found out C. had been sneaking out with said person to rendezvous in her minivan. Ew. This probably was partly because of our talk the other day about how he doesn't want to be a "minivan" family. Luckily, our soon-to-be family of three won't require a big passenger vehicle!
4. Another type of kidnapping/home invasion dream. This was just last night. I was being held captive in a one-room structure, with dirt floors, ants all around and a tiny little stove top. Out the window, I could see sagebrush for miles, and mountains in front of a gorgeous sunset with terrific colors. There was another girl with me, and just when we were ready to make our big escape (and me moving rather swiftly with a swollen belly), our captors were walking back across the field carrying two brown bags of groceries each. There was lettuce peeking over the top of one bag, oranges in another. Does this qualify as a food dream? Like we weren't leaving now that fresh produce was coming our way?!
Can't wait to see what my brain cooks up tonight!
1. A home invasion. C. and I were in our townhome, but there were "people" there watching us. They didn't hurt us, just terrified the crap out of me. So we were trying to create a diversion, find a way to get out of the house. Since they had turned out the power, I had this idea that we light some matches up close to the fire alarm and when the sprinklers went on, we'd magically escape through the back door. (We don't even HAVE sprinklers!) So there I was spending book after book of matches under the fire alarm since the ceiling fan kept blowing them out. Plus, the guy who smokes (C.) didn't have a lighter. Go figure. Well, I succeeded finally, and we ran out the back yard, and just then, I cried "HELP!! HELP!!" And that was out loud in real life, so I woke up C. in the process and he calmed me down and I went back to sleep!
Later, when I was explaining this dream to him, he kept finding holes in my story. It totally made sense in my head while it was going on, but who makes sense of dreams, anyway? For one, he said if we're trying not to call attention in the DARK, why would we be starting matches? If the power had been cut, how was the ceiling fan on, etc. Gee, thanks for the comfort. :-P
2. Food dreams. I've had more of these, but this one stands out. There was an old lady with her white hair tucked away in a bun, and she was wearing a frilly apron. She was making buttermilk biscuits, her hands and apron white and powdery with flour, her biscuit cutter moving swiftly across the dough. When the biscuits came out of the oven warm and flaky, then came the country gravy with sausage. It was one of the best food dreams I've had. Homemade country gravy and biscuits. YUM!
3. Cheating dreams. Either me on C. or, more often, him on me. This one was him cheating on me with a real person I know (a distant, distant friend of a friend). I obviously won't say who, but this person is 20 years his senior, has a gruff voice and almost reminds me of another person I've met called Butch. It is hilarious in retrospect. I found out C. had been sneaking out with said person to rendezvous in her minivan. Ew. This probably was partly because of our talk the other day about how he doesn't want to be a "minivan" family. Luckily, our soon-to-be family of three won't require a big passenger vehicle!
4. Another type of kidnapping/home invasion dream. This was just last night. I was being held captive in a one-room structure, with dirt floors, ants all around and a tiny little stove top. Out the window, I could see sagebrush for miles, and mountains in front of a gorgeous sunset with terrific colors. There was another girl with me, and just when we were ready to make our big escape (and me moving rather swiftly with a swollen belly), our captors were walking back across the field carrying two brown bags of groceries each. There was lettuce peeking over the top of one bag, oranges in another. Does this qualify as a food dream? Like we weren't leaving now that fresh produce was coming our way?!
Can't wait to see what my brain cooks up tonight!
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Things that make you go . . .
. . . hmmm.
Our newspaper's health and fitness editor walking past the stairs to take the elevator to the parking garage.
Our newspaper's health and fitness editor walking past the stairs to take the elevator to the parking garage.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Signs of spring
Seeing all the brightly colored spring clothes cropping up around town, I thought of the equally bright houses and other structures C. and I viewed while riding from Braco to Montego Bay in Jamaica.
The hues snapped against the blue sky -- yellow, blue, orange, green, red, peach, teal. One structure popped out from behind another, sometimes in time with the music coming from the taxi driver's radio on the drive to the airport. We even spied some metal palm trees painted in bright colors.
The one white building that would leave a lasting impression on me is the Rose Hall Plantation. It rests on a hillside east of Montego Bay, peering down at the road and coastline below. Here lived Annie Hall, the "white witch" and a figure of Jamaican folklore. Though we used our trip as a re-energizing, we didn't do any sightseeing. This tourist spot would be on my list should I ever return to this side of the island.
Click here to read a little snippet.
The hues snapped against the blue sky -- yellow, blue, orange, green, red, peach, teal. One structure popped out from behind another, sometimes in time with the music coming from the taxi driver's radio on the drive to the airport. We even spied some metal palm trees painted in bright colors.
The one white building that would leave a lasting impression on me is the Rose Hall Plantation. It rests on a hillside east of Montego Bay, peering down at the road and coastline below. Here lived Annie Hall, the "white witch" and a figure of Jamaican folklore. Though we used our trip as a re-energizing, we didn't do any sightseeing. This tourist spot would be on my list should I ever return to this side of the island.
Click here to read a little snippet.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Shoot, I forgot to buy that Prius
Six months ago, I was "complaining" about the price of gas at the nearby Pilot station.
Just last night, it was more expensive than the diesel price. "UNLEADED $3.079" was staring back at us in bright red letters. C. was asking me why gas has gone up so much in the past month. I say it's the season. Memorial Day is coming up, along with all those road trips.
Luckily, we have a Nissan that gets about 27 mpg and a Kia that averages 33 mpg. We did the math for our upcoming trip to Taos, N.M., and by driving the Kia, we'd save only four gallons over the length of the trip. That's a savings of about $12-$15.
C. and I are willing to pay that for the luxury of cruise control, power locks and power windows.
So what are you paying in your neck of the woods?
Just last night, it was more expensive than the diesel price. "UNLEADED $3.079" was staring back at us in bright red letters. C. was asking me why gas has gone up so much in the past month. I say it's the season. Memorial Day is coming up, along with all those road trips.
Luckily, we have a Nissan that gets about 27 mpg and a Kia that averages 33 mpg. We did the math for our upcoming trip to Taos, N.M., and by driving the Kia, we'd save only four gallons over the length of the trip. That's a savings of about $12-$15.
C. and I are willing to pay that for the luxury of cruise control, power locks and power windows.
So what are you paying in your neck of the woods?
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Toilet humor
Warning: Pregnancy complaints ahead.
Every morning, I marvel at the capacity of the human bladder. After some cursory research, it's about one liter, give or take a few ounces. So with a growing uterus squishing my bladder and all the extra blood volume in my bod, it's no wonder I feel like I have about five times that amount when I awake in the night, sometimes four times, and stumble toward the toilet. Is it mother nature's cruel little joke of getting us "used" to the overnight feedings? That's one theory.
I just want my sleep.
Every morning, I marvel at the capacity of the human bladder. After some cursory research, it's about one liter, give or take a few ounces. So with a growing uterus squishing my bladder and all the extra blood volume in my bod, it's no wonder I feel like I have about five times that amount when I awake in the night, sometimes four times, and stumble toward the toilet. Is it mother nature's cruel little joke of getting us "used" to the overnight feedings? That's one theory.
I just want my sleep.
Monday, May 07, 2007
Drumroll, please
I'm pregnant! In my 14th week, to be exact (which also means I've officially entered the second trimester). I'm due Nov. 1!!
An excerpt from one of the many pregnancy Web sites:
True? Well, I'm still suffering from morning sickness, cravings, and all the other fun stuff pregnancy brings (gas, bloating, dizziness, headaches and an overall "blah" feeling, but only part of the time). But we have seen the little "pumpkin" on the ultrasound. S/he was about 7 weeks old at the time and there were two gestational sacs. Twins? Maybe at first, the doc said. But now there's one healthy dude or dudette in there. Plus, we have heard the heartbeat. Honestly, it was the sweetest sound I've ever heard in my life. Swoosh, swoosh, swoosh, swoosh... I have a .wav file of it if you're interested in hearing it (says the proud mama).
Want to take part in our baby pool? Here's the link (or find it in my "Links" section):
An excerpt from one of the many pregnancy Web sites:
The second trimester is typically experienced as the most exciting yet enjoyable of the three -- the morning sickness is gone, you definitely feel and look pregnant, but you’re not yet reaching the overstuffed lumbering mammoth state.
True? Well, I'm still suffering from morning sickness, cravings, and all the other fun stuff pregnancy brings (gas, bloating, dizziness, headaches and an overall "blah" feeling, but only part of the time). But we have seen the little "pumpkin" on the ultrasound. S/he was about 7 weeks old at the time and there were two gestational sacs. Twins? Maybe at first, the doc said. But now there's one healthy dude or dudette in there. Plus, we have heard the heartbeat. Honestly, it was the sweetest sound I've ever heard in my life. Swoosh, swoosh, swoosh, swoosh... I have a .wav file of it if you're interested in hearing it (says the proud mama).
Want to take part in our baby pool? Here's the link (or find it in my "Links" section):
Friday, May 04, 2007
Scratch-my-head moment
Walking past Civic Center Park, I saw all the worker bees hustling to get their booths set up for the Cinco de Mayo parade and celebration.
Just then, I walked by a man setting up a sign that touted "Gyros!"
... for Cinco de Mayo? I know, I know, but it at least gave me a giggle.
Just then, I walked by a man setting up a sign that touted "Gyros!"
... for Cinco de Mayo? I know, I know, but it at least gave me a giggle.
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Money
After months of parking along a street about 0.6 of a mile away from work where there are no meters, just "timed" honor-system-type parking for 2 hours (I tend to stretch the limit a little), I parked at a meter today. Excuse? I was running late. Really late.
I have my little cash key, and when I inserted it into the slot, I felt robbed. Four bucks to park for four hours before I could move my car safely into the garage at work. Boy, am I spoiled.
I have my little cash key, and when I inserted it into the slot, I felt robbed. Four bucks to park for four hours before I could move my car safely into the garage at work. Boy, am I spoiled.
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